Going to Italy has always been a dream of mine. I have always wanted to be in this country that is filled with history, love, espresso, and wonder. The day we arrived in Rome at first I was incredibly elated. I was beaming, happy and had forgotten I had been up since 5 am. My happiness soon turned to extreme sadness and confusion. I could not afford to have international service on my cell phone so my only means of communication with my boyfriend, Kirk, and family was fully dependent on Wifi. When we finally got to our apartment we discovered our internet was down and may not be back for 4 days. Now for the most part this wouldn’t bother me that much but his sent me into a spiral of adness. All I wanted to do was tell my family that I was here and alive. All I wanted to do was tell Kirk how incredibly beautiful Italy was. All I wanted to do was tell kirk about the little girl in the piazza del cossimoto that fell and scraped her knee and ran to her papa. He kissed her and hugged her and it was beautiful. I was officially tired of experiencing Rome without Kirk. I felt as though I would just rather be home in America with him instead of in Rome without him. It’s inccredibly confusing and upsetting to feel this way. I didnt expect to feel such sadness when I was experiencing amazing things. It continued to happen through the whole trip. At the forum I wished he was there to remember all the facts and dates to remind me later. In the Panthon I wished he was there to talk about the mathmatical genius that the Pantheon is. At every Museum I had our little inside jokes running through my head.
And it wasn’t just him, when I was walking through the streets and would come across amazing artists, even in Bath England, I wished my roommate Tamra and best friend Kathrine were there to listen to the beauty with me and talk about music. Every flower and plant I saw I wanted my best friend Kiana to tell me all about them and pick them to press in our journals. It hurt my heart to experience the Globe Theatre without my grandfather who is an incrediblle actor, gave me the love of theatre, and has devoted much of his life to theatre. I wanted my grandmother to shop for italian yarn with me, And mother to sing silly song with me on the busses and train. I wanted my aunt Jenn to sip wine with me and talk about life. I wanted my little sister to swim in the medditeranean with me because she would love it. I wanted my older sister to sing with my in the ampetheater in Ostia Antica because we harmonize so well. I wanted Wendy to talk about all the shoes and clothes in Italy and to sit and drink espresso with me. There were many more but these tainted my experience a bit. It was hard to experience this trip that was made possible by all of these people without them. My family, friends and Kirk made this trip 100% possile for me. From funding to encouragement it wouldn’t have happened withuout them. I love them all and wished they were there with me.
I still very much enjoyed the trip. Don’t get me wrong. It was just filled with these emotions hroughout but this is part of who I am and it is okay.